I get the sense that I'm going to be a person who travels from place to place. Not for tourist purposes, but for the work of God, where I need to be. There's tradeoffs with each lifestyle. The amazing part of such an itinerant lifestyle is that one meets people from new cultures and gets to experience how broad, wide, and multi-faceted human existence really is, not to mention the Kingdom of God. I find that when I interact with Christians from different cultures, I experience a different aspect of God. The downside is that one begins to build deep relationships with treasured friends.... only to have to move on because God calls you to another geographical place.
I've learned not to suppress feelings that I get. It's really damaging in the long run, and the damage could be subtle. So when this sentiment of me being a somewhat itinerant person surfaces in me, I get a "Wow...." feeling. It's not exactly, unpleasant. It's not exactly pleasant either. But it feels very... thick with meaning. Much like being in the middle of a very rich movie.... like Lord of the Rings. When Frodo has to "move on", whether from the Shire, Rivendell, Gondor, or Mordor, there is a "Wow.... things are moving on" sort of feel as he continues his journey.
If I'm reading my path right, I feel that I'm going to arrive at the next subway stop of my life's trajectory pretty soon, and when I get off this stop, it'll completely shift everything in my life again, with a whole new set of relationships.
Life is such a trilogy-like movie.
***
For the past 6 years, I've learned a TON about myself each year. I've learned university-amounts of insight about myself. And with each increasing year since 2008, I've learned even more about myself than the year before. I would have never expected this path of self-discovery spiraling into something bigger and bigger every year as the telescope of my self-awareness extends deeper and deeper into the galaxy my soul. The consciousness, subconsciousness, and unconsciousness of a person really is a whole inner universe, and before, I only had the self-awareness of one solar system in it. Now, the Lord's shown me that more and more solar systems exist inside the galaxy of the image of God that he's implanted in my being. If the image of God in a person is the image of a God who is infinite, I believe the image is, in a way, infinite as well.
I feel that this year has been especially thrilling in its discoveries because God has used the insights of contemporary psychology to help me discover more about the image of God in me, how I "tick", and what are the secret inner drives that unknowingly dictate how I live my life. I read a marvelous analogy in a book lately, where the unconscious desires and energies in one person that unknowingly drive one's behaviour are compared to a magnet underneath a sheet of paper driving where the iron fillings on top of the paper go without the iron fillings knowing it. Let's just say this year I discovered a TON of "unconscious magnets" that have been destructively steering my conscious behaviour all my life. And it has been humbling and sobering to discover these things. At the same time, I'm extremely thankful to God that he has shown me this stuff, namely so that he can heal it. I've become convinced that the most dangerous things in a person are the shadow drives in a person that one isn't even aware of. They cause conflicts in oneself. Conflicts between oneself and others. Disruptions in one's relationship with God. And they also give a foothold (Ephesians 4:27) to demons in one's life.
I am forever indebted to certain insights from modern day psychology that God has really used to sanctify me more and more. Carl Jung is so wicked.
