I think one of the ways to thank the Lord with one's soul is to just look at treasured pictures of the past. When I do that, my soul is just stirred. And it gives thanks to God spontaneously in non-verbal form. It results in me giving thanks to God with my "right-brain" and not my "left-brain". I prefer right-brain prayer to God anyways.
Tonight, I kept replaying this "Thank You" song by Jin while looking at my East Asia missionary photos from 2008-2010.
Wow. Looking at myself in those pictures with my friends on the mission field at the time. On the one hand, I feel that my consciousness was so narrow and underdeveloped back then. On the other hand, I see how God was shaping me. I'm also so deeply stirred on the rich times I had with my friends there. The disciples I was privileged to work with. My fellow missionary friends.
Those years will forever be so deeply etched in my soul. When I get to heaven and reflect on this past life, I know I will spend a lot of time just reflecting on the goodness of God in those 2 years. I can't fully describe it. I didn't physically cry when I got nostalgic looking at the pics just now. But it felt like I was re-holding something really precious again, like a newborn baby. Those times were sacred. Fun. Deep. Hard. Special. Life-changing. Crazy. Dramatic. The only thing they weren't was boring.
From 2010-today, my life has been dramatic. But most of the drama here has been "internal". By that, I mean it has been epic in my ever-expanding awareness of the milky-way-like expanse of my inner unconscious/soul that God is helping me explore now. And it is rich. Dark too sometimes. But rich. Wonder-full. It feels like a movie exploring that stuff with Christ. It can be dangerous to explore it without Jesus, but with him, I think it's healthy to explore the nature of the human heart deeply. Both for myself and others. But, this "drama" is really different from the "external" drama that happened during 2008-2010 in East Asia missions drama. Oh my gosh. I've never experienced that much meaningful external drama in my life. Purposeful drama that is. Drama that involves the ups and downs of meaningful existence in pursuit of the Great Commission over obstacles. So many obstacles came up in those years. The school administration. The threat of disunity in the various churches in the city. Inner team conflict. The government. Spiritual warfare. Explicit demonic attacks. Personal issues. It felt like the shift in leverage between good vs evil kept energetically shifting almost every week. And it was full of spiritual adrenaline and live electricifying tug-of-war-like shifts. My teammates (especially in the second year) can fully attest to this. I felt I didn't need to watch primetime TV dramas at that time really, because life was already so saturated with drama. It felt like a movie. An RPG. A page-turning thriller. And my heart was bonded with these people (as the heart normally does in live drama).
My heart for these people still remains. They have a portion of my heart.
I also was helping out with a Church community event for Easter at Parkway Forest Community Church today. These Muslim ladies who came with Hijabs were speaking Arabic. I love the sound of live Arabic spoken to me in person. I asked them what country they were from. They said Libya. I am also reminded of my heart for the Muslims.
I don't fully know what God has for me in store for the future. He's given me a heart for the East Asians in 2008-2010. He's also given me a heart for the Muslims in the past few years. I think God's been showing me that he wants me to have an international heart.
Thank you Lord. My soul says thank you.
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