-1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
About a year ago, I started to read this book called Embracing the Body by Tara Owens. There are a couple reasons why. The first was that my spiritual direction supervisor recommended it to me. The second was that the author was actually a graduate of Tyndale Seminary, the seminary I graduated from. I'm really thankful that I read it. It's one of those books that has a very original outlook on age-old Christian topics with very unique wisdom.
Through the book, as well as studying Christian psychology for a while, I am now convinced that with respect to the journey of sanctification, us Christians really need to "embrace" our body. We need to befriend it. Be kind to it. Listen to it. Care for it (Ephesians 5:29). "Get to know it". Basically, treat it courteously as if it's an autonomous person (although technically speaking, it's a part of us).
Years ago, before I came across this perspective, I was just exposed to the well-intentioned Christian advice (whether consciously or subconsciously given) to just suppress your body's desires if they cause spiritual trouble for you. Bluntly speaking, it doesn't work in the long-run. I'm starting to think it doesn't even really work that much in the mid-run. Sometimes, not even in the short-run.
However, with this alternative view of "relationally training" one's body, things get much more messy. The body's composition is not totally systematic and structured in its "raw desires". They're not "logical" the way things are in one's prefrontal cortex. Training the body's desires is a totally different realm compared to training one's cognitive thoughts. People who aren't open to mystery and the unknown may have a lot of trouble befriending their body. But I'm convinced it has to be done to overcome blockages in one's sanctification journey.
A big example is the issue of the human body's natural sex drive. God has designed our bodies, of both genders, to have sex drives. Simply speaking, we have biological sex organs, hence our body naturally produces biological drives for sex. Our bodies had sex drives even before the fall in the Garden of Eden. That means that our body's sex drives are inherently holy, not unholy. It is just cultivated lust that is sinful. Now, it can get really messy to concretely extricate one's God-given holy and sacred sex drive from one's cultivated lust. But philosophically, there should be a very clear distinction for the Christian. It takes existential discernment, listening to one's body, phenomenological observation, and a patient process of befriending it (like interacting with people from a foreign race who speak a different language) to concretely sense the difference between the two. And over time, one begins to sense what is different instinctually.
During the process of befriending one's God-given sexual desires, one can then "train" and "tame" them in a relational context. This is different from just putting a straight-jacket from a psychiatric ward on it. Just like a "naturally bubbly" friend who has been corrupted with dopamine-addicted substance abuse in one's system, one is to love and help train one's friend in weaning off oneself from unnatural dopamine-filled drugs by relationally being there with him/her in the process. Get rid of the drugs, but keep the friend and his/her natural "bubblyness". This is similar to getting rid of the cultivated lust, but keeping the natural God-given sex drive. The God-given sex drive simply desires intimate connection with another human being. I don't have the time to get into all the details of what this does or does not entail, but it can be done for singles too. Embracing the Body by Tara Owens explains how this can be done pretty well.
This whole topic reminds me of the movie How to Train Your Dragon. I loved this movie. In this movie, Hiccup, the main character, is in a world where all the humans are afraid of the dragons, and just want to simply kill them without really knowing who or what they are because they seem to pose a threat. This similar to "conservative" Evangelical circles that have good intentions in "suppressing" and "killing" one's "raw-like" sex drive (particularly if one is single). It doesn't work on a deep level, and it's actually harmful from a perspective of holistic health. In this movie, Hiccup goes against the grain of his culture's attitude and begins to "get to know" the dragon (which can represent the God-given bodily drives, such as hunger, fight or flight, and sex). The dragon, "toothless", is damaged in his tail, so he can't fly properly. In a touching way, Hiccup and Toothless become friends after being initially distant and cautious of one another.
Afterwards, Hiccup helps heal Toothless' damaged tail with a human design of his. Literally, they each provide their own flap of the flying tail wings which are both needed in order for both of them to fly together.
Then, they "train" to fly together. It was actually really beautiful to watch. Hiccup needed Toothless, and Toothless needed Hiccup to fly. Both could not do it alone. This process of "training" and "taming" is really relevant to our topic here, where our human spirit needs to "befriend", "train", and "tame" our bodily drives in order to holistically take off with flying colours.
Yes, it gets messy to love, train, and tame one's raw bodily desires. There are bumps, bruises, and blunders on the way. But the Holy Spirit watches and assists over this whole process from the beginning all the way until those previously "raw" desires no longer have spiritual rabies. When the sinful rabies are gone, our body can actually become a friend who can be loved. Not loved in a worldly way of love, but loved in the same way that a married Christian would love one's spouse with the love of God (Ephesians 5:28-29).
In the true biblical view, sexual purity with one's body involves being friends with it.
