Which smile is the fake/artificial smile? Which smile is the genuine one? A year ago I would not have been able to tell you which one.
Although I knew before that not every smile that I saw was genuine, I did not know how to tell which smiles on the face were natural, effortless, and sincere. I mean, although I try not to give too many fake smiles, I do give them from time to time. When I do, I don't do it intentionally to deceive, but because some situations seem too awkward not to put a smile on your face (e.g. if you happen to be in a really sad mood and someone happens to really go out of their way to do you a favour and you don't smile back when you say thank you, it just seems rude). I reasoned that if I, a reasonably sane person (at least I like to think I am), sometimes gave fake smiles, chances are that most of the rest of the sane human population also sometimes did as well. I knew this in theory. However, although I knew that theoretically some of the smiles I saw on other people's faces throughout the day were fake smiles (perhaps around 50% give or take depending on what type of people I was hanging around), I just didn't really know how to skillfully differentiate which ones specifically were real or fake about a year ago.
The point is that although I knew that there was more than what met the eye on a
"surface level order" of things (what was taken on people's faces at "face value" [pun intended]), I knew that there was a
"deeper level order of things" that one could gain access to which enabled one to understand and detect truthful smiles from false smiles and differentiate truth vs. deceit in general in one's social environment.
Although I did not yet have first hand grasp of this "deeper level order" of the social world, I really did want to understand this "actual world behind the world" of social reality. I wanted to peek and see behind the curtain of voluntarily induced facial expressions and be enlightened to what was behind it. I was not satisfied with just knowing that theoretically there was a deeper order of things. I wanted to experientially grasp it so that I could have access to its liberating truth of what people are actually thinking/feeling in moments of social interaction.
So I did my homework. I studied facial expressions and emotions on an academic level (non of that pop psychology stuff, life's too short to risk one's life/knowledge on that stuff). I decided to study the academic work of
one of the world's most influential thinkers according to Time Magazine. Paul Ekman. He has spent decades on studying the
microexpressions on people. Long story short, this guy knows what he's talking about in his area. I studied his stuff, trained myself with his material, watched
Lie to me which was a show based on Paul Ekman's professional research and read Dr. Ekman's academic commentary on it afterwards, and got considerably better in the skill of deception detection and the art of reading people. Although I am far from perfect and still make mistakes in my judgments at times, all in all, I am way better than I was before (I used to not be good at it).
This is what some of his stuff is like:
The point at what I'm trying to get at is that after all this research/study/training I am now somewhat privy to this "deeper order" of the social world, the "world behind the world" of my social environment. I am getting longer and longer glimpses of what is going on behind the curtain of voluntarily commanded facial expressions. For example, I can sometimes detect if someone is trying to hide his/her discomfort even though the content and tone of his/her words may seem like he/she is comfortable. I can sometimes detect if someone is starting to get angry even though the content and volume of his/her speaking may seem calm. And I can sometimes detect fake smiles.
Now there is a trade off here. I used to be for the most part oblivious to what was actually occurring on the deeper level order of things although I knew it theoretically existed. But since I didn't know what was actually going on in the world behind the world as I was interacting with people, in a sense I was relatively more blissful. In a way, the saying "ignorance is bliss" was kind of true to me in this respect. When I actually thought that people were okay when their unconscious body language and involuntary/uncontrollable/subtle facial reactions showed that they weren't, I was ignorant of their discomfort and hence blissful. When people said they weren't angry but their unconscious body language and a slight shift in their eyebrows and eyelids showed otherwise, I was ignorant of their hidden anger and hence blissful. When people gave fake smiles, I (sometimes) thought that they were really blissful, and hence seeing them blissful made me blissful.
Now, after entering into a deeper order of things in social reality, I can no longer return to the bliss I once had. Because I am becoming less and less ignorant of what's actually going on in the "world behind the world". The trade-off of bliss was the truth. And would I really want to go back? To return to my previous bliss at the price of being ignorant of the truth? I wouldn't. Although short-term bliss is good, truth is more wise in the long-run. Although it can be painful to know someone is faking happiness and positive feelings towards me, I would rather know that they are faking it rather than be ignorant of it. Also, if I can detect concealed discomfort, I can try to subtly offer comfort to those who are being troubled by hidden discomfort. If I can detect concealed anger, I can try to do what I can to be a peacemaker and help the angered person (and others) to calm down and maintain inner peace as well as interpersonal peace. If I detect fake smiles, I can try to see what's really wrong, and take appropriate action to try to really cheer the person up if it happens to be in my control.
I say all this because something extremely similar is happening in the spiritual realm of things right now for me.Allow me to illustrate first with an analogy of what it feels like.
It feels like my level of analyzing a wooden checkered board that had moving pieces used to only have the depth (or lack thereof) of a checkers level of analysis. I used to see and be comfortably familiar with some pieces of the board moving 1 or 2 spaces diagonally. And seeing these pieces move 1 or 2 spaces diagonally made sense to me. That "fit" with my checkers' interpretive framework. Things stayed within my "box"/level of understanding of how things ought to move, how they could move, and why they could move.
However, after a while, it is as if I noticed some pieces of the board moving straight. Some pieces started to move sideways and backwards. Some pieces could move both sideways and diagonal. Some pieces that could only move forward and diagonal one space at a time but could turn into the pieces that could move anywhere sideways and diagonal. Some pieces could jump over other pieces and move in an "L" shaped direction. After noticing that things didn't always "fit" with my old checkers-paradigm of understanding the checkered board, I knew that theoretically a deeper order of things existed and that I needed to discover, unlock, and gain a first-hand grasp of how this deeper order of things worked to comprehensively understand what the heck was happening! The surface level order of checkers-analysis wasn't working anymore! My previous paradigm needed to descend to a deeper and more profound paradigm called the Chess interpretive framework.
The initial result? Things felt unfamiliar and odd, yet strangely coherent at the same time with strangely reliable explanatory power. Things started to weirdly make sense as paradoxical as that may sound. That was how it was initially. But this deeper level order of spiritual analysis has started to become second nature to my spiritual awareness now.
The book of Proverbs in the Bible talks a lot about the "simple" vs. "wise" (those who have understanding and insight). Now by "simple" I do not mean the opposite of complex. It is possible to be complex + shallow (complex without insight) and complex + deep (complex with insight [e.g. Romans 7-8]). It is also possible to be non-complex + shallow (non-complex without insight) and non-complex + deep (non-complex with insight [e.g. many of the parables of Jesus]). One can visualize a quadrant to separate the four categories. The point is, what is to be desired is wise insight (as the writer of Proverbs talks about in the first 4 chapters of Proverbs) . By "simple" here I mean the opposite of deep insight. By "simple" I mean the opposite of wisdom which is folly. This is the type of simpleness that we should avoid. In a way we are called to be simple. But in a way we aren't.
"How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?"-Proverbs 1:22
"Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding"-Proverbs 9:6
"the woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge"-Proverbs 9:13
"A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps"-Proverbs 14:15
"A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it"
-Proverbs 22:3
Before I engaged in my journey of spiritual formation, the Christianity I was part of was too simple. Simply true, but too simple nevertheless. It may have been appropriate for a Christian in his/her first year of walking with Christ. But after a while, I felt like this "surface level order" wasn't all there was. To quote a Matrix line, there seemed to be a "splinter in my mind" that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but sometimes mystically felt nevertheless.
Although the "elementary teachings" of Christ were a good foundation (Hebrews 6:1) such as:
-you are a sinner
-Christ died for your sins
-repent in your heart from the former way of life that ultimately leads to death
-have faith in Jesus for eternal life
-rely on God's grace daily to sanctify you
I wanted deeper solid food, not milk anymore (Hebrews 5:12-14).
If I were truly to "grow in knowledge and depth of insight" (Philippians 1:9), I could not just remind myself of these elementary truths without going any deeper. And I am not talking about the type of "going deeper" where I just engage in more academic/cerebral study of biblical studies (although that has it's place, it doesn't automatically lead to depth of insight. It can also result in complex + shallow just like the Pharisees). There is a difference between adding facts to one's brain and entering into deeper and deeper levels of insight. It is possible to quote a ton of scripture and remain at a shallow level of analysis.
I can't fully explain it, but it seems that the journey of spiritual formation (which emphasizes the wisdom of Jesus and how to live wisely just as how he lived wisely and avoid folly) has allowed me to plant my feet in a "deeper level order" of the spiritual realm. Although I knew that theoretically a deeper order existed, I did not have first-hand experiential awareness of it during the days that my feet were still planted on the surface level order of the "elementary truths" of the Christian life.
But by God's grace (a lot of it was by reading Dallas Willard stuff, grasping it in my mind, then slowly but gradually becoming aware of it on a hands-on basis) I have been gaining steady footing on this deeper order of spiritual reality as opposed to staying on the surface order of it. I have been getting longer glimpses of what goes on behind the "spiritual curtain of how things appear at first sight". And walking through this "spiritual reality behind the spiritual reality" has shed insightful truths to me that I have been both intellectually and experientially ignorant of before. Once again, the trade-off between ignorance + bliss vs. truth + sobering feelings has emerged, just like how this trade-off has emerged in my understanding of social reality.
It is really hard to articulate what this really feels like. Because, after all, it is spiritual stuff, and spiritual stuff is non-physical. The best I can use is analogies. I feel like Neo in The Matrix. He used to analyze reality through the physical world of the 5 senses before he got "converted". Then, he came to the light, was able to plant his foot into the deeper order of things, then operate from the "world behind the physical world" and from a first-hand experiential knowledge of this deeper order. For him, checkers turned into chess. He learned how to move the pieces on the checkered-board in ways he never understood before through understanding a chess-interpretive-framework.
I feel a little like 1:03-1:06 in
this clipI can give a couple concrete examples of what "seeing the deeper order under the surface order in the spiritual realm" is like.
1)When Christians struggle with doing the right thing even though they have the good intentions in their heart.
Let's say that on the "surface level" a Christian suddenly decides that he wants to not care about what others think about him, and be the kind of person who just isn't bothered by what other people's opinions of him are. Then he enters a social situation where someone humiliates him in front of others. He then finds him defending himself in front of others, explaining to others elaborate background information on his side of the story in order to make himself look good. Well, he just did what people who care a lot about what other people think did - defend himself. Why is this the case even though he had absolutely good intentions to only want to care about what God thinks? On the surface level order of things, this makes absolutely no sense.
However, when we descend into a deeper order analysis of the situation, we find that although this person knows that God wants him to only care about what God thinks and that he's actually really having the right intention to only care about what God thinks, his bodily responses are still stuck in their old habits of defending himself. His physical tongue literally is ready to cock back and fire like a gun as soon as he finds his reputation at risk of being sullied. This all takes place in his body which operates for the most part outside of his conscious control. It is like having the perfect intentions to want to learn how to type on a computer keyboard with all 10 fingers at once after one has only typed with 2 fingers previously for many years. Although the typing-learner genuinely desires to ingrain typing habits in all 10 of his fingers so that one day his muscle-memory is so solidified that he can type 100 words per minute, his fingers have many years of bad typing habits. Just like the fingers, the tongue literally has to be retrained with proper habits to change. Just like how one cannot shed one's native/mother-tongue accent when learning a foreign language just by "deciding to" in a one time decision of the mind, one cannot just all of a sudden get rid of years and years of stored up habitual responses of the body to defend oneself with one's tongue. Knowledge and intention are not enough. The problem is not an ignorance problem. The problem is a problem of training and discipline. Just like how if a professional athlete just "talks about winning", has the best intentions to win, but doesn't engage in any rigorous training at all, he is screwed on the court/field. The same goes with the person who has the intention to only care about what God thinks but doesn't engage in the rigorous/long-term training of the discipline of one's body to not care about what others think.
And it is not only the case that caring about what others think makes you defend yourself with your tongue. Defending yourself with your tongue makes you care more about what others think.
Without deliverance from this repetitive feedback loop, one will forever be enslaved by other people's opinions. Sure, if you're a genuine Christian, then God will forgive you for the sin of caring too much about what others think. But being delivered from the guilt of sin is different from being delivered from the power of sin. Although God will forgive us of all future guilt of sinfully living under the control of other people's opinions, seriously, who wants to continue to be enslaved by the power of what other people's opinions are? Sure, if you keep on eating expired and mouldy food, you might not die and the doctor will give you medicine, but who wants to experience the stomach pains of food poisoning and eat bitter medicine every few days for the rest of their lives if they can learn to simply avoid eating expired and moldy food?
2)When Christians struggle with temptation in one's mind.
Let's say on the surface level a Christian is constantly bombarded with temptations that enter his mind (e.g. thoughts of committing adultery). This Christian seems to be constantly tempted in his mind of whether or not to commit adultery. Sometimes his thoughts give in. Sometimes they don't. Either way though, he is in a constant struggle because these thoughts have a see-saw-effect in his mind frequently without any net progress over many years.
However, as we descend into a deeper level order of analysis into this Christian's life, one realizes that he was not understanding that there is an even deeper struggle that he should focus on in his mind. The struggle is not merely with what his heart's desires want during the moments of temptation. The struggle is with what his heart's desires want to want. This is the deeper interpretive framework which he has to address in order to get to the root of the issue. The struggle is ultimately whether he desires the desire to lust, or whether he desires the desire to not lust. During the time of temptation, he has to work on not wanting to want the evil that he wants now, and to want the good that he doesn't want now. As Dallas Willard said, he has to know that the way to tell when a temptation turns into a sin is when he starts to enjoy the temptation. He has to know that there is a difference between enjoying the fact that he enjoys lustful thoughts vs. being repulsed by the fact that he enjoys lustful thoughts. That is the deeper order of things in this spiritual situation.
If he fails to succeed on this deeper level, he will continually fall victim to the lie that he is being deprived of something good by not seizing the window of opportunity to sin when it is available. He will fail to realize that he doesn't only desire one thing, but multiple things on different dimensions of his being (e.g. to be a loving father to his children, to be a faithful husband, to be a joyfully selfless friend, to enjoy the pleasure of sex, to enjoy the romance between a man and a woman) and that if all these natural God-given desires of his orbit around the solar system of what he impulsively wants at any moment, sooner or later, all the planets will collide and cause the whole solar system to implode. He will fail to realize that only if the center of the solar system of all his desires is God's timing, plan, and design, then all the planets can orbit harmoniously in their proper places and contribute positively towards the Solar System's wellbeing. But during the moment of temptation, one part of him will desire the former solar system and another part of him will desire the latter solar system. If he is wise, he will want to want the latter. In short, if he continues to want to want the former, he will continue to believe that he is seriously "missing out on something if he chooses to not sin".
The goal for him should be to desire the desire for righteousness after realizing the vision of the "goodness of righteousness" (as Dallas Willard puts it) and that he is truly not "missing out" on anything by not sinning.
Examples such as these have not merely been "intellectually registered" in my mind. They have started to become the subconscious analysis of the "spiritual world behind the spiritual word" in both my spiritual journey as well as the subconscious analysis of the spiritual journey of my fellow brothers and sisters. Just like how the grammar of my mother tongue (I'll just say it's English to make things simpler) has been so subconsciously embedded in my understanding of language that I hardly think about how I think with it now, this deeper level order of analysis has started to become more of an automatic thing right now where I find myself thinking less and less about how I think with it now. It is starting to become effortlessly applied in how I experience Christian spirituality in my spiritual environment. It's "just there" a lot of the time.
I still recognize the trade off of the ignorance + bliss of the surface level order of spiritual perception vs. the truth + sobering feelings of the deeper level order of spiritual perception. But, would I trade the latter for the former? Never. Any day I'd take the latter over the former. For the former leads to very short-term happiness coupled with long-term confusion and disappointing struggle whereas the latter leads to healthiness, wholeness, and deep Joy in the long run.
"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding." -Colossians 1:9
"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."-Colossians 2:2-3
I've been on a looong journey.
God's put big things on my heart.
I want to accomplish great things for him.
However, I forget that growing in his spiritual competence takes time, and it is a process that can't be rushed.
Living in a fast-paced culture with a youthful heart that tends to get impatient, I struggle in the "waiting" times sometimes, where one grows gradually yet steadily in his grace and knowledge (2 Peter 3:18).
I desire to be a strong and courageous warrior for Christ (Joshua 1:9). He has put this desire in my heart to fight in this spiritual war for him. I desire to be a mighty warrior for God. A quality warrior, who by God's power can take on multiples of myself. Just like David's mighty men in 2 Samuel 23. Josheb-Basshebeth (v.8) raised his spear against 800 men and killed 'em all. Abishai (v.18) raised his spear against 300 men and also killed 'em all. Benaiah son of Jehoiada (v.20) went against an Egyptian with only a club in his hand. And even though the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, he snatched the spear out of the Egyptian's hand and killed him with his own spear. Although in the New Covenant with the New Testament the people of God are not called to fight physically for him anymore, I want to be a mighty warrior for him in spiritual warfare.
I can relate. If I was never strained, perplexed, hard pressed, struck down, pushed as hard as I was in my 2 years in East Asia (2 Corinthians 4:8-9 style [I was never attacked so vividly/directly/manifestly by demons in my life up until then], although metaphorically), I probably would not be on the spiritual formation-style journey of growth, at least to the point where I am right now. The upgrades of my spiritual suit that I have right now would just be as unreal as a dream. I know that. If I stayed in comfortable Canada in typical "North American Christianity", my spiritual armour would still be at an elementary level, although still existent. But because my spirit was so stretched over in the East, I was forced to build up my spiritual armour or die spiritually. And by God's grace, I was built in a way I could not have been over here.
I flew out of the East with a new set of spiritual armour (via spiritual formation), and fast forward to today, where I'm in the process of learning about the nature of spiritual armour in Ephesians 6, studying its essence, experimenting with how it actually works in different real-life situations, discovering cause-and-effect relationships with how to use it in the spiritual journey, sharpening its armour, upgrading its material to better quality and becoming a better warrior of God with it.
The elements include what Paul talked about in Ephesians 6:
-the belt of 
To add to the spiritual science/spiritual technology, I have also recently got into dream interpretation, which has helped me, I think, understand the "devil's schemes" (Ephesians 6:11) more. This has been a spiritual technology that I have only begun to study and apply in the spiritual formation lab recently, but it has proved to be amazingly helpful in my walk, giving me insight about myself, the devil, and God in reference to where I am at in the journey, sort of like a spiritual GPS kind of spiritual technology.
After a few years of building "suit #2", I feel like I have begun to achieve "lift-off" with the armour of God now:
