Hot and Cold

It happened again. The Lord speaking to me through my complaints about other people. When he does this, I immediately shut up and repent about my attitude of complaining about other people's behaviour, when I realize all of a sudden that I've been exhibiting the exact same behaviour to God in my relationship with him.

(The following is an edited paraphrase of a non-verbal dialogue I was having with God in the shower tonight. Me and God don't always use words when we talk about things on our hearts, but for reflection's sake, it becomes clearer to myself when I try to put it into words and get more clarity from reflecting the conversation off a verbal mirror)

"God, I don't like the fact that I'm on the receiving end of "hot and cold" from this person. It's really not enjoyable. Although it's enjoyable when its hot, it's really not enjoyable when things get cold again. Repeatedly. I'd rather this person not be "hot and cold", but just remain cold if this person doesn't want to remain consistently "hot" to me. It's not pleasant. I'd really prefer receiving nothing over this kind of vascillation."

"Chris, how often are you "hot and cold" to me? I'd rather you either remain "hot" towards me all the time, rather than you vascillate being "hot and cold" to me during certain days/hours. It's not enjoyable to be on the receiving end of this kind of vascillation." (God said this to me in a gentle/loving tone.)

Ouch. At that moment, not only my face had fresh water splashing on it, but so did my spirit.

How often am I "hot and cold" towards God throughout my day? Certain hours, I can be "hot" towards God in terms of how much I like him, treasure him, want to be with him, get to know him, love him, seek him with all my heart, and simply "chill" with him without any "agenda". Then other hours of the day, I get "cold" towards him. Not hateful towards him, but just "cold". It's not that I abandon my faith, or do blatantly/intrinsically sinful things (at least all the time), but I seek to find my hope, joy, treasure, emotions, and satisfaction in other neutral things, like computer games, following pro sports, reading, my relationships with others, social networking, socializing with others, and other things. These things aren't bad in and of themselves, but they can easily distract me from all out consistent white-hot obsessive seeking/desire towards concrete/street-level interactive relationship with God. There is a part of me that wants quick pleasure/fun sometimes. But there is a greater part of me that really desires God to no-nonsensely be my best friend. I desire to be in a state where I can truly say that I sense closer intimacy with God than with my best human friend (Bobby) in this season in my life.

One of the things that stuck out to me as I did some listening prayer with other brothers and sisters in the faith yesterday was that God told me something along the lines of "when you're serious with me, I'll get serious with you." Ouch. It resonated with my spirit immediately. I thought I was somewhat serious with God already. I thought those were the kind of things I ought to tell other Christians yearning and desiring to experience more/deeper intimacy with God themselves. I needed that gentle exhortation/rebuke/encouragement myself. 

Sorry Lord, for these double standards of mine. Forgive me for being hot and cold to you throughout the day. I want to be hot towards you every hour.

Hot and cold is not cool. Double entendre intended.