I just watched the Hobbit again to refresh my experience of the first installment's story of the Peter Jackson series before I watch the Desolation of Smaug in the theatres, which I plan to do soon.
My soul was touched. I felt it being stirred in the parts of the film where Bilbo made some unexpected discoveries about himself. He acted on things he wasn't even aware of existing inside of himself. The first case of this, was when he was challenged to go on the dangerous adventure with Gandalf and the 12 Dwarves to help Thorin and his fellow dwarves reclaim their old Dwarven kingdom. At first, he was just too comfortable in his own hobbit home to set foot outside of it. Then, the next morning, when the rest of the crew were heading off, he realized that he needed, or wanted to go. He not only surprised the Dwarves. He surprised himself that he would voluntarily put himself in danger in pursuit of a noble cause. Deciding to do so would put his life in jeopardy and sacrifice any comforts he enjoyed previously.
The second example that caught my attention was when Thorin was about to be beheaded by an orc soldier, only to be body checked and then gutted by a presumptuously brave and screaming Bilbo out of nowhere. Out of all the others who would come to the rescue at the risk of their own lives, who would have expected him? But he stepped in and put his life on the line to save another. He had no training in how to fight. Yet he still had to do something, and acted on it. The official movie synopsis puts it best: "the unassuming Bilbo Baggins... discovers depths of... courage that surprise even him". When Thorin expressed his gratitude to Bilbo for saving his life later on, he said to him "I'm sorry I doubted you". The humble Bilbo then humbly responded, "I doubted myself".
My eyes watered. It's films like these that touch my soul, because they capture and express what I myself have experienced on my own journey multiple times.
This idea, that one has something valuable hidden inside of themselves that others, including themselves, aren't aware of only to be discovered when unexpected challenges arise, touches my soul very deeply. Whether it is courage to accept an overwhelming challenge for a good cause, finding something within you (that surprises yourself) that wants to be radical for the cause of Christ in some concrete calling, or simply being enabled to do something by grace what one previously thought was impossible, these moments seem sublime to me.
This relates to another thing I`ve been learning about in the spiritual journey. It has to do with how God`s supernatural grace and human free will concretely work together to produce extra human effects in accomplishing God`s will and advancing the story that God writes.
I used to try to understand how divine grace and human free will practically work together in a very mechanistic/quantifiable way. After going through frustrations in coming up with a coherent framework where the two can harmoniously coexist, I then tried to leave it all up to mystery without overanalyzing it.
Now, however, I think I have come up with a partial understanding of how the two work together. It has helped me understand previously puzzling verses such as "... continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:12b-13).
It is indeed God who supernaturally transforms us. We have absolutely no power on our own to live a supernatural life in words (Acts 2:37), actions (Colossians 1:29), and power (1 Thessalonians 1:45). That comes from God. However, such a supernatural lifestyle comes from "abiding" (John 15:4-7) in God. In more colloquial terms, I believe this means to connect with God relationally. This is more than just praying things to God in a one-way flow of communication. As David Benner said, prayer is much more than just praying. It is a way of being in experiential communion with God. And a lot of it is nonverbal. I think the majority of it is without words actually (at least in the stage where God has led me to currently). And this takes a huge sacrifice of time to abide deeply in God. It takes a lot of hours each week. I'm not talking about reading the Bible mentally where one tricks oneself into thinking that one is "interacting with God" when in reality one is just interacting with ideas about God with one's mind. I'm talking about relationally communing with God whether or not words are involved for the sake of "chilling" with him. And that takes a lot of sacrifice of time. It involves sacrificing extra time from email/facebook/entertainment/socializing if it steals away time from relationally connecting with God without any other agenda other than just knowing him as a real friend (John 17:3).
Perhaps what this is what Paul meant, at least partially, when he used strenuous athletic imagery in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 saying:
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".
I think what Paul was getting at here was not to try to produce supernatural results strenuously in his ministry, character formation, and relational experiences with God with an attitude of struggling to make things happen. On the contrary, I think he was getting at the rigorousness that is required in sacrificing time to spend with God relationally. This is something that is up to man's free will. God can woo us to sacrifice time from hobbies/entertainment/socializing to connect with him in long periods and hours, but at the end of the day, he cannot make this decision for us. We have to make it ourselves. But once we make the human decision to spend an ample amount of time abiding in him, that's when the Holy Spirit comes in to do his divine work that creates supernatural effects in us, including extra-human effects in ministry, extra-human effects in character formation, and extra-human effects in one's relational experiences with God.
Like Bilbo, we have to do our part and make sacrifices to respond to the call. But once we have done that, we are open to unexpected discoveries of what God has planted inside of us every chapter in the journey.
There are some vivid contemporary analogies that illustrate spiritual truths that require huge disclaimers to prevent heresy, blasphemy, misinterpretation, and false implications of theological truths. Still, some contemporary analogies are still worth using because they capture the street-level-colloquial-feel of spiritual truths that one experiences in one's first person consciousness in the spiritual journey.
First off, I would like to make the disclaimer that I do not endorse or condone the vulgar language in Bad Boys 2. There is a ton of coarse language that I do not really appreciate hearing in the movie. Also, there is a kind of determination to overcome one's enemies that results in anger, hate, and impatience, all which are not the fruit of the Spirit and should not be imitated by the serious follower of Christ.
Nevertheless, the notion of a sports car accelerating at a rapid speed on a highway amidst obstacles, threats, and intimidating danger illustrates the Pauline attitude of pursuing the will of God in a way that is more colloquial to our 21st century context.
Jesus describes in John 4:34 what "substance" his will is pursuing. For him, to "do the will of the Father" is to follow a course of action that will satisfy his spiritual hungers. From this passage, we know what we are supposed to pursue the satisfaction of our heart's eternal hungers, namely the will of God.
In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says that he "strains toward" what is ahead in the will of God, and "presses on" toward the goal of his heavenward prize in Christ Jesus. In order to reach this goal, the path/journey to be taken is the will of God. This shows us the attitude of how we should pursue the will of God.
In Jeremiah 8:6b, Jeremiah says "None of them repent of their wickednesssaying, “What have I done?” Each pursues their own course like a horse charging into battle." The comparison here, is a person's will going in their own life course's direction being equivalent to a military horse charging into a battle. This verse implies that people's "wills" sometimes go in their own way with the speed and ferocity of a horse galloping in a certain direction. I think, by implication, we can conclude that people's wills can also race into the direction of God's will with the speed and ferocity of these military horses. Horses were Old Testament era vehicles in Jeremiah's day. They were powerful. They were that era's "horse power". Our era's "horse power", however, is in cars. Just like a military horse in Jeremiah's day, I believe that our wills can pursue the will of God with the attitude, determination, and ferocity that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence exhibit on the highway chase scene in Bad Boys 2.
In this parable of the Bad Boys 2 highway chase scene, Martin Lawrence represents a human's emotions. Sometimes, the emotions can assist one's will in ferociously and single-mindedly pursuing the will of God. Sometimes, they are your ally. Sometimes, however, they can "spazz" on the obstacles, threats, and bullets of the enemy. Sometimes, they overreact to intimidations of the enemy. On the flip side, they can also cause us to rely on God more and pray against the enemy trying to throw us off track. These are our wavering emotions.
Will Smith represents the human mind. There is a I-don't-care-what-gets-in-the-way-nothing's-gonna-stop-me kind of focus and concentration on his face in this scene that I find so metaphorically inspiring. The job of the mind is to focus. Dodge the distractions of the enemy. Keep one's focus on the path towards the goal. Don't get swayed by one's emotions if one's emotions are "flipping out" and are complaining to one's mind. Stay the course. I do recognize that, psychologically speaking, yelling at your emotions doesn't tame them. On the contrary, one needs to sometimes be gentle and delicate when dealing with one's distorted emotions in order for them to heal from past wounds/pain etc. Nevertheless, the attitude of ignoring one's emotions when they get in the way is important sometimes. (I learned a while back that to "slaughter" one's emotions can actually be counterproductive. It is ideal to "convert" them and spiritually baptize them, rather than to kill them.)
The car is one's will. With the car, one can travel at high speed as long as one dodges the enemy's attacks, which are distractions and intimidating threats that cause fear. The enemy can throw confusion, disturbances, interruptions, and general complications in attempts to divert one's focus and determination from pursuing the will of God with highway-level speed. Distractions include unloving comments from brothers and sisters in the faith. Insults from non-believers. Busyness with too many activities that are good in and of themselves. Forgetting to take one's Sabbaths. Too much worldly entertainment. Too much facebook. Intimidating threats from the enemy include situations that seem discouraging, seemingly "impossible" circumstances to surmount, persecution (whether social or physical), church politics, and a seeming lack of financial resources to carry out God's will. However, it is the mind's role, ideally with the assistance of one's baptized emotions, to focus on the path of God's will and stay the course at high speed, hopefully without fighting each other in the car. Spiritually speaking, the sports car has a supernatural engine (the Holy Spirit) that helps it accelerate at a supernatural speed that could not be achieved without it.
The filmography, the highspeed accelerating noise of the car, the determination on Will Smith's face, and the background music all capture a street-level feel of what this spiritually should feel like in one's first person consciousness in the midst of spiritual-street-level cosmic drama! Thank you Michael Bay!
I remember shooting around a basketball in the gym about a couple months ago at Tyndale. It was only me and this other university student. We shot around for a bit, then we introduced ourselves to each other. I asked him who his name was. He said Gabriel. He said that he was an exchange student from Germany.
Fast forward to a couple days ago, I hear that a German exchange student from the university side of my school had committed suicide. I was shocked. I wondered... could it have been that guy I shot around with in the gym a couple months ago? I googled him. Yeap. It was.
I didn't really build a bond with him aside from those few minutes, so there's no sense of grieving of loss here. But still. Shock. Wow. Just like that.
Jesus is just...... so.... cool. I don't know
how else to say it. I'm not talking about a pubescent-Justin-Bieber
cool, fashionably vogue cool, or a worldly popularity cool. But a
spiritually refined cool. A type of "hallowed coolness". What's one trait of this hallowed coolness? Proverbs style wisdom from the Spirit of wisdom (Ephesians 1:17).
King Solomon had a dose of this cool wisdom of God in his life when he
unconventionally and astutely maneuvered to discerned which prostitute
was lying to him in a snap (1 Kings 3:16-28). This texture of King
Solomon type wisdom was only a preview/sample of a greater anointing of
its cool effects on Jesus, "one greater/wiser than Solomon" (Matthew
12:42). With this in mind when reading the Gospels, one can see that
Jesus was just way cooler than Solomon, as cool as Solomon was with his
wisdom. I grew up treating Jesus' words to others in the Gospels as
merely doctrinal statements. Now, I'm learning that although his words
can help secondarily with doctrine, when they were first spoken, they
were live and original words full of Solomon-style-wisdom "fresh off the
press of the moment". The way he made extremely perceptive distinctions
that transcended scholarly thinking categories of his day (Matthew
22:15-21). The way he could have penetrating insight into a unique
person's root issues (Mark 10:17-22). The way he could make astute
observations about patterns of life and illustrate them with random
culturally relevant symbols within sight (Luke 46:43-45). The way he
could gently speak (threat-free) with supernatural wisdom to the temple
police who were sent to arrest him but couldn't simply because "no one
ever spoke like he did" (John 7:45-47). Personally, I find him "cool" in
the sense that Gandalf is "cool". Except even cooler.
I can
only imagine how it would be as a bystander in the scene of John 8:1-11,
watching the suspenseful (and frightening) build up of a woman being
dragged to the temple courts to likely be killed in front of everyone by
heartless teachers of the law who knew the law inside and out. But
then, Jesus is on the scene. Rumours have gone around about this guy who
has unconventional wisdom that causes unconventional effects in his
dialogues with people while being in hot water. If I had a son with me,
I'd probably say something along the lines of "Man! I wonder how he's
going to unconventionally maneuver out of this one! Oh boy, you're in
for a show tonight son!"
Who would've
thought that part of what it means to "worship Jesus" is to delightfully
and thrillingly admire just how "hallowedly cool" he is?
Although this dictionary definition captures the denotative meaning of what a paradox is, the connotative sense and texture of what a spiritual paradox is is absent here.
Spiritual paradoxes, in their very nature, cannot have their depths plumbed by humankind's mental faculties. For the Christian dealing with spiritual paradoxes of the Christian faith, one will never fully understand these mysteries intellectually. It's impossible for the finite mind to wrap itself around a universe of spiritual mystery that is more vast than the physical universe itself.
Paradoxes such as:
How God's presence is simultaneously the most powerful thing in the universe, yet the most peaceful as well.
How God is 3 persons, yet of 1 exact divine nature at the same time.
How fully denying oneself and dying to one's own desires leads to finding Real life and living in it.
How the humble person is both the "lowest" and also the "highest" in a group at the same time (of course, without aiming for the latter).
We see these spiritual paradoxes incarnated in the Gospel accounts of Jesus the Nazerene. Not only by what he said, but by how his observers responded to him when in his presence. When he taught, his teachings were intelligible to the uneducated masses of his day, yet they had a depth to them that dwarfed the religious understandings of the religious scholars/experts of his day. When he was in social settings, little children didn't feel intimidated by him at all and easily came up to him to interact with him, yet when some religious and political authorities (Pharisees and soldiers) wanted to arrest him and finally encountered him, they were so intimidated that they collapsed to the ground when in his presence (John 18:6). These 2 paradoxes have been very thematic in my personal experience with God in the past couple years of my life. God's presence is so mighty and powerful, like a mighty earthquake or a powerful thunder roar, yet at the same time, it is the most peaceful and calm-inducing presence in the world. When God, in his grace, manifests himself to me very imminently, I experience this spiritual paradox and sense the dual, seemingly opposite, traits of his very presence that exhaust my rational understanding. It is has trans-human effects. It is beyond what a mere human presence is ontologically capable of. And the fact that when Jesus teaches me, his teachings are so very simple and non-convoluted that people of any age can understand them, yet at the same time, they are the most deep and profound insights in the universe that people with PhDs have trouble grasping with their minds. If you were to ask me "what is experiencing this paradox first-hand like?" I could not tell you if I tried. You.. just have to encounter it yourself to really know what the mystery is like... like if I were to try to explain the effects of gazing at the Mona Lisa, I'd be at a loss for words. One just has to gaze at the painting itself to fully know what its effects are. Of course the difference is that with Jesus, his effects are superhuman, where no worldly analogy can fully do justice to its supernatural effects.
There are no contradictions in these 2 paradoxes in and of themselves. It is not a contradiction to say that the presence of God is so mighty and powerful yet so peaceful, nor is it a contradiction to say that Jesus' teaching is extremely simple, yet extremely deep at the same time. It's just a paradox. It's hard (I'd say impossible) for the finite human mind to wrap itself fully around these greatly expansive mysteries.
Experiencing the paradox first-hand seems to be the key to intuitively understanding it in a way that defies exhaustive verbal comprehension. Although I can't fully explain the enigmatic coherence of these paradoxes of God, I have come to develop more of a visceral awareness of them through my direct experience of God.
Perhaps an illustration can help express, to some degree, what my journey of understanding the paradoxes of God through a non-rational (though not anti-rational) and intuitive way is like.
If an 8 year old asks a thoroughly reflective 60 year old "Did the 60 years of your life pass by quickly? Or slowly?", The 60 year old can legitimately say "Both." You can then picture the 8 year old reasonably say to the 60 year old man in response "What? Stop joking. I'm serious. Really. Tell me. Did the 60 years of your life pass by quickly or slowly?" The sincere 60 year old can legitimately repeat "Both. Really." It would then be understandable for the 8 year old to seriously question the legitimacy of the answer, and think that it is a contradiction, when in fact, it only seems like a contradiction, but really isn't one in reality. Each individual day of the 60 year old's life, probably, for the most part with some exceptions, passed by slowly when he experienced each one of them day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Yet, as he got older and reflected on each New Years' Day regarding how each previous year went, he probably had a sentiment that the past year zoomed by so quickly. He has a non-rational way of understanding this paradox with his experience-seasoned intuition. It is not that his finite mind has intellectually grasped the depths of this paradox. It is that he has experienced the simultaneity of seemingly contradictory phenomena at the same time in a mysterious way. His soul has experienced the coexistence of two seemingly opposite aspects of the same coin of chronological reality that only make sense in a transrational way after one has had a first-hand encounter with the paradoxical mystery itself.
The same goes with understanding the spiritual paradoxes of the Bible. We can try all we want to exhaustively wrap our minds around them by rummaging through biblical commentaries, scholarly exegesis/hermeneutics, and academic research. Those endeavours have its place and help to some finite degree, but after we reach their limits, they fail to assist the human mind in exhausting one's mental comprehension of spiritual paradoxes. The only thing that will "fill in the gaps" of one's mental understanding is direct/immediate first-person experiences and encounters with the person of God. And I would argue that although it is totally by the grace of God that he reveals his manifest presence to individuals and allows them to sense his presence, he usually reveals his manifest presence to people who seek his face/presence and seek it with all their heart. This seeking is both demonstrated and cultivated in persistent classical spiritual disciplines such as prayer, fasting, meditation, solitude, silence, and I would add listening prayer. These have no power in and of themselves to invoke the presence of God. However, they are like doors and portals that open oneself up to what's already there, God's presence.
I've come to understand that only the presence of God can be superhumanly powerful yet superhumanly peaceful at the same time. No human (without the supernatural presence of God active in them) can have that effect on people. And only God's teachings can simultaneously be simple and profound at the same time (once again, humans, if the Spirit of the supernatural God is actively at work in them, can accomplish this as well, i.e. Dallas Willard). These are 2 paradoxical qualities of God that cannot be replicated by people of the world, who live without the accompanying assistance of God's presence. It's not that people of the world can do this but they are stopped from doing so. It's that they simply can't. They have no ability to. Neither can carnal/worldly Christians who do not seek an overall lifestyle that cultivates the growing activity and liveliness of God's presence in their human bodies. Only something, or more like Someone, literally out of this world can produce these paradoxical effects on people. And only those who have direct/non-institutionally-mediated experiences of this God can understand it.
If we consciously or even subconsciously treat the Bible merely as a theological textbook, then our actual relationship with God, Christian platitudes aside, will only be as dynamic, organic, and lively as the other textbooks on our bookshelf.
I do recognize that one
role of the Bible is for educational/instructional purposes, like a
modern day textbook (2 Timothy 3:16). I just think that if that's the
ONLY way we approach the Bible though, things get super dangerous (and also boring, bluntly speaking).
I
think that the more important role of the Bible is to act as a living
and active (Hebrews 4:12) supernatural medium that interactively
connects us with God. With the exception of a few denominations, I think
us Western Protestants fail to emphasize this aspect of the Word of
God, and we sometimes fall into the John 5:39-40 trap of the Pharisees
where we fail to use the Scriptures as a means towards experiencing the
supernatural life that Jesus offers us everyday.
I
think in our day and age we need to emphasize this role of the Bible being the "medium that
relationally connects us to God". It's like a
cell phone that connects person to person. But more. It's full of
dynamism, life, and organic-like connectivity that buzzes with divine
electricity in relationally connecting people to God.
(The
following gets somewhat technical if you want a
theological/philosophical elaboration on this without saying pretty but
empty Christian cliches that don't really explain anything)
The
Bible itself says that Jesus is the Word of God himself (John 1:1, 1
John 1:1-2, Revelation 19:11-13). Jesus, himself, is the message of God.
And since God is alive, when he freshly communicates to humans live,
his messages are also live and fresh, just like how since I'm alive and
I'm freshly communicating messages to you live, when you receive them,
they have a live and fresh quality to them. They are not just "dead
words spoken 10 years ago". What I freshly say to you one
minute/hour/day may be different from other minutes/hours/days, and what
God freshly says to us one minute/hour/day may be different from other
minutes/hours/days. However, when I freshly speak to you, what doesn't
change are the 24 letters of the English alphabet, English vocabulary,
and English grammar (I realize that letters, vocabulary, and grammar can
change in a human language over time, but this is just for the sake of
an illustration). I use the same letters, vocabulary, and grammar
structures in every fresh message I give you, but the letters,
vocabulary, and grammar structures don't change. Yet, the English
language here is acting as a medium for lively, dynamic, organic
relational interaction between me and you with non-stop originality in freshly
constructed English sentences. In this analogy, the English language
itself is the medium of fresh communication between you and me, and the
fresh/original content of each sentence I say to you acts like the
"Jesus" of me. It is fresh/original/live because I am
fresh/original/live.
The
Word of God and Jesus are like that. The Word of God provides the
medium of "letters, vocabulary, and grammar" (Biblical verses,
Biblical/Systematic theology [this is where the Bible appropriately has a
role of instruction somewhat like a textbook], and Philosophical
Christian principles that don't change) of God that the Father's
communication to us involves. Jesus is the "Living Word" because he is the
fresh/live/original communications of God the Father to us. Just like
how a human is always creatively/freshly giving new communication to
others using letters, vocabulary, and grammar principles of a language
that don't change, God is always creatively/freshly giving new
communications to us in original ways (through Jesus, the living Word)
through non-changing Biblical verses, Biblical/Systematic theology, and
Philosophical Christian principles. And the Holy Spirit's role is to
"translate" all this spiritual communication in a way we can understand
as we approach biblical meditation with an open-ended heart.
Practically,
what this means is that although the content/theology of 1 Corinthians
13 will never change, What God wants to say to us through the "Jesusization"
of 1 Corinthians 13 today may very well be different from what he wants
to say to us through the "Jesusization" of 1 Corinthians 13 a week from
now.
This is attitude is very different from treating the Bible merely as a
textbook with "dead words on a page" as Jan Johnson put it once.
Possibly the fastest 3 weeks I've ever experienced in my life. I don't recall another time where 3 weeks zoomed by so quickly like road runner. I don't recall a day where I was counting down the days, looking forward to coming back. I was too drawn into the story of God's story of world missions/the Great Commission.
I guess time flies when you're enjoying a great story, whether through watching a movie, or reading a novel. And time just zooms when you're experiencing one. In the thinking of Einstein, time is relative, and can bend when one gets sucked into the warped portal of an epically rich story.
I will miss these precious 3 weeks. Life changing.
It seems as if with every additional year that I intentionally try to follow God more closely, the more unknowns emerge and more unknowns are forecasted for my future.
When I first started this intentional walk with God through spiritual formation about 4-5 years ago, I thought I knew roughly how my life would turn out 4-5 years later. God has drastically, I mean DRASTICALLY flipped my plans upside down and shattered them. Where I would work. My income. Who and when I would marry. What my "part-time"/non-paid ministry would be like. How my relationship with God would existentially feel like on a day to day basis in relating to him. What kind of theological equipping I would be engaged in. What kind of role in the Great Commission I would have.
All flipped. All shattered.
God definitely has a way of turning our plans upside down. But I'm getting used to it. And it doesn't seem as unpleasant as it used to be.
And I realize that most biblical characters who walked close with God had to live a life full of unknowns with God where God guided them the next few steps of their journey and not the next mile. Abraham. Noah. Elijah. Moses. David. Peter. Paul. They lived lives full of unknowns when they intentionally tried to grow and remain close with God relationally. I'm sure a lot of the time these characters knew that they wouldn't be able to predict what major shifts in their lives would happen to them next year, let alone next month, let alone next week, and sometimes... even the next day. But, for the most part, they were okay with it. Or at least they learned to be okay with it (after respectfully yet sincerely flipping out and venting their off-guard emotions to God at times). This seems like part of the package in walking closely with God. It's either a good thing or bad thing depending on how one looks at it.
All I know is that right now, I have no idea who and when I'll marry. When/what kind of work I'm going to do (although I do have my God-given wishes, and I see more and more of how he's shaped me and is showing me more and more what my role in the Kingdom of God is). Where I'll live. What "part time"/non-paid ministry I would do. What area in the Kingdom of God I should proactively try to grow in. How my relationship with God will existentially feel on a day to day basis in the future. etc. Every time I try to predict/plan this stuff, God just ends up rearranging things.
I'm learning not only to accept the unknown, but to try to develop the attitude of learning to delight in it. God's the best storywriter afterall.
I gave my friend, who was preparing a sermon, what I thought was a great/insightful analogy in helping others understand an apparently spiritually confusing/complex idea in nice and simple everyday logic/concrete examples. I thought the idea was brilliant to be completely honest.
Then, when he was preaching the next day, there was an inner battle going on inside of me as soon as he started.
My spirit began to caution me: "Watch it. Don't desire your friend to mention you if he says the analogy you gave him yesterday in order to bring recognition to yourself in front of the congregation today. Careful now. Don't desire this." My flesh rebelled immediately: "Oh, but I do hope that I do get recognized for this brilliant analogy if he does mention it! Then people will see how insightful my mind is to come up with these genius parallels with everyday life to understand seemingly complex spiritual things!" My spirit: "No. Don't yearn for it. Stop. You are not to yearn for attention being brought to yourself. Glory goes to God alone. Stop wanting recognition." My flesh: "But I want to be known. I came up with the analogy! It rightly belongs to me! If my friend says it, then I ought to be recognized! It's only proper! It's only fair to want brilliant new ideas given publicly to be identified with the person who came up with them! It's intellectual copyright! If my friend uses the analogy, it's my idea so he ought to give recognition to me because it's my thought!"
This huge battle was secretly going on inside of me for a while. Quietly, but intensely. The mysterious contradictions of the human heart on the road to sanctification.
Then.... suddenly... a God thought penetrated right in the middle of this battle in my heart.
"Chris, when I give your mind ideas/analogies to explain complex spiritual truths, do you remember to make sure to identify the idea with me? After all, I was the one who came up with these ideas and gave them to you, you're not the one who came up with them." - God
It happened again. The Lord speaking to me through my complaints about other people. When he does this, I immediately shut up and repent about my attitude of complaining about other people's behaviour, when I realize all of a sudden that I've been exhibiting the exact same behaviour to God in my relationship with him.
(The following is an edited paraphrase of a non-verbal dialogue I was having with God in the shower tonight. Me and God don't always use words when we talk about things on our hearts, but for reflection's sake, it becomes clearer to myself when I try to put it into words and get more clarity from reflecting the conversation off a verbal mirror)
"God, I don't like the fact that I'm on the receiving end of "hot and cold" from this person. It's really not enjoyable. Although it's enjoyable when its hot, it's really not enjoyable when things get cold again. Repeatedly. I'd rather this person not be "hot and cold", but just remain cold if this person doesn't want to remain consistently "hot" to me. It's not pleasant. I'd really prefer receiving nothing over this kind of vascillation."
"Chris, how often are you "hot and cold" to me? I'd rather you either remain "hot" towards me all the time, rather than you vascillate being "hot and cold" to me during certain days/hours. It's not enjoyable to be on the receiving end of this kind of vascillation." (God said this to me in a gentle/loving tone.)
Ouch. At that moment, not only my face had fresh water splashing on it, but so did my spirit.
How often am I "hot and cold" towards God throughout my day? Certain hours, I can be "hot" towards God in terms of how much I like him, treasure him, want to be with him, get to know him, love him, seek him with all my heart, and simply "chill" with him without any "agenda". Then other hours of the day, I get "cold" towards him. Not hateful towards him, but just "cold". It's not that I abandon my faith, or do blatantly/intrinsically sinful things (at least all the time), but I seek to find my hope, joy, treasure, emotions, and satisfaction in other neutral things, like computer games, following pro sports, reading, my relationships with others, social networking, socializing with others, and other things. These things aren't bad in and of themselves, but they can easily distract me from all out consistent white-hot obsessive seeking/desire towards concrete/street-level interactive relationship with God. There is a part of me that wants quick pleasure/fun sometimes. But there is a greater part of me that really desires God to no-nonsensely be my best friend. I desire to be in a state where I can truly say that I sense closer intimacy with God than with my best human friend (Bobby) in this season in my life.
One of the things that stuck out to me as I did some listening prayer with other brothers and sisters in the faith yesterday was that God told me something along the lines of "when you're serious with me, I'll get serious with you." Ouch. It resonated with my spirit immediately. I thought I was somewhat serious with God already. I thought those were the kind of things I ought to tell other Christians yearning and desiring to experience more/deeper intimacy with God themselves. I needed that gentle exhortation/rebuke/encouragement myself.
Sorry Lord, for these double standards of mine. Forgive me for being hot and cold to you throughout the day. I want to be hot towards you every hour.
Hot and cold is not cool. Double entendre intended.
A few years ago, I read a book called "Kingdom Triangle" by J.P. Moreland that has profoundly framed how I have studied, understood, and sought to live and experience the Kingdom of God.
I really, really like the author, J.P. Moreland. He, in my estimation, is one of the most balanced Evangelical writers/thinkers out there who not only write about what the Kingdom of God is like but experience it too. Because seriously, who cares if you can write something brilliant about the Trinity if you never experience your Trinitarian theology. Ever. I read somewhere that before the Protestant Reformation, there was, for the most part, no disconnect between a theologian's theology and his/her experience. With some exceptions, Christian thinkers actually experienced their theological reflections about God. Not exhaustively. But considerably. Moreland does this. And this is one of the reasons why I really like him.
A note about balance. Most people think they're balanced. But most people actually are pretty imbalanced (all of us are imbalanced in some way, because there's no person out there who is totally free from imbalance). The thing is, that most imbalanced people don't realize they're imbalanced. Because in their minds the only continuum that exists in the Christian life (i.e. Word-centered [i.e. Reformed] vs. Spirit-centered [i.e. Pentecostal/Charismatic]) only represent 2 streams of thought out of other streams that are included in the historical Christian faith. They are oblivious to other streams that are out there as well. Some other people of the Kingdom of God are compassionate-ministry/social-justice oriented and/or spiritual formation oriented (which I would argue is connected yet distinct from being "Word centered [in a Reformed understanding]" or "Spirit-centered" [in a Charismatic understanding]). As a parenthetical statement, I personally think that the compassionate-ministry/social-justice stream and the spiritual formation stream can be clumped together, although they're not 100% identical.
Let us take an example of this. Look at the well-known passage of Hebrews 4:12: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to diving soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Different Christian traditions may have different, yet valid attitudes as of how they "live out" this truth.
"Word-centered Christians" ,with respect to generalizations, may read this verse and be encouraged to focus on the intellectual study of the word, getting your doctrine right, and engaging in lots of exegesis and hermeneutics to study the intellectual meaning of biblical passages to "extract its power".
"Charismatic Christians", with respect to generalizations, may read this verse and be encouraged to focus on the "Charismatic reading" of biblical passages, in terms of how the Holy Spirit divinely electrifies passages when he speaks bible verses prophetically through his people to pronounce people's prophetic destinies, engage in spiritual warfare, and have people supernaturally "cut to the heart" with the Word of God.
You see, someone who has knowledge of these 2 streams and gleans from both of them may consider themselves "balanced", yet neglect other stream(s) of the Kingdom of God. Spiritual Formation, within recent years, has started to become more well known in Evangelicalism, which is good in my opinion. Because until then, most of us have had no idea what this spiritual formation stream of the Kingdom of God is all about, and hence would be stuck in a 2-dimensional continuum of measuring how "balanced" we are.
"Spiritual Formation Christians", with respect to generalizations, may read Hebrews 4:12 and be encouraged to use different contemplative methods of meditating on the scripture throughout one's day. Not for blatantly supernatural effects, or to intellectually study the scriptures, but just to have the content of the verses soak into one's being and permeate different aspects of one's self (thoughts, feelings, will, body, and social relationships). There are levels of permeation that one's heart/spirit can experience as one persists with creative experimentation in meditating on the Scriptures. Some effects come after months of persisting with the spiritual discipline of contemplative meditation on passages. Some effects only come after years of persisting. Some only after decades. This comes through 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 style spiritual discipline. It is distinct from the "Word-centered/Exegetical-Hermeneutical" stream and the "Spirit-centered/Charismatic" stream.
It is interesting to note that people from their own streams tend to have their own take on what it means to "disciple others" and "follow Christ". Christians from all 3 streams read and quote from the same Bible to back up their framing/understanding of "discipleship to Jesus", whether it's knowing the Scriptures more and more the way Jesus knew them and had his mind shaped by them, or working and moving in the Holy Spirit to do the supernatural works that Jesus did through the Holy Spirit, or growing in Christlike character in the way one reacts when others sin against them.. And their different views may all be valid, but still have blindspots.
Back to Moreland. This guy is balanced. He not only thinks he's balanced, he actually is. And he experiences the stuff he talks about too.
So in his book, he writes about 3 points of the Kingdom that the Early Church was big on that caused the Church to grow like mad. They are:
1)Having a sharp Christian mind and worldview to outthink the Church's critics
2)Spiritual Formation. Growing in the character of Christ through persistent-longterm-yet-non-legalistic spiritual disciplines of practically abiding in Christ moment to moment in one's first-person consciousness to allow the Fruit of the Spirit to grow one's character. In short, the science of allowing the Fruit of the Spirit to grow in oneself.
3)Charismatic signs, wonders, and miracles of the Holy Spirit. The growing and effective use of the supernatural gifts of the Holy Spirit.
The thing about Moreland, is that he has such a balanced and varied background that qualifies him, I think, to write on all 3 topics. He has a PhD in Philosophy and was a professional apologist who debated world-class atheists in public settings/universities to defend the Christian faith on intellectual grounds (I think he may still do this). He has done his fair share of reading the spiritual devotional classics in the spiritual formation stream of the Christian faith and has experienced practicing what he reads to have his soul/character formed in Christlikeness significantly over a patient process of persistent New Testament style spiritual disciplines. And, within the past decade or so, he has started to explore Charismatic spirituality, such as prophecy, healing, and casting out demons. Basically the stuff you see in the book of Acts. Now this guy is truly balanced.
He writes about all 3 points of the triangle, and how we need to have elements of all 3 of the Kingdom of God to see revival in our North American churches. I am completely sold on this.
To me, these 3 points of the triangle are like the study of the 3 sciences in the physical realm. You have physics, chemistry, and biology. All are connected to each other, yet distinct. Just because one has an undergrad in physics, does not mean that one has an undergraduate level of understanding of chemistry. Just because one has a masters degree in chemistry, does not mean that one has a Masters level of understanding for biology. And just because one has a PhD in biology does not mean that one has a PhD level of understanding, or even a Masters or undergraduate level of understanding in physics. They are connected, yet distinct from each other. And all 3 streams of the physical sciences need to be capitalized on to have the maximum amount of cutting-edge technological developments in the physical world.
The same goes with these 3 points of the Kingdom Triangle. They are connected to each other, yet distinct. This is the sad, yet important part. Proficiency in one does not translate into proficiency in the other 2 points of the triangle. Just because one has a Doctorate in theology or philosophical theology like Wayne Grudem or William Lane Craig does not mean that one can concretely cast out demons who are harassing a tormented human. And just because one has experience and proficiency in casting out different types of demons like Charles Kraft does does not mean that one has the Christlike character/Fruit of the Spirit like Dallas Willard. And just because one has abundant Fruit of the Spirit/Christlikeness in them does not mean that one has the cultivated Christian worldview/mind to logically and rationally explain why Christianity is a more coherent and intellectually credible worldview than secular atheism.
To my understanding, these 3 points of the triangle actually combat different dimensions in how Satan tries to attack the Church/Christians, including our Western culture. The world, direct/blatant/explicit attacks from demons, and the flesh.
First of all, you have "the world", which includes the world of ideas, and what is publicly taught in secular universities. In order to engage the world in its own mother culture, one has to know the ideas that are circulating and dominating the minds of the people in it, and logically show how those ideas are either destructive and/or false and/or unwise, without just anti-intellectually "preaching at people". It is possible to use logic, science, history, and reflected experience to show how certain ideas are intellectually superior to others. For the Christian, this means that logic, science, history, and reflected experience can demonstrate and defend the intellectual credibility of the Christian worldview.
Then, you have Satan himself, as well as his demons. 'Nuff said. These guys have to be dealt with head on. And they don't bow down to doctrinate statements and systematic theology. They bow down to borrowed spiritual authority given from the Father in Jesus' name. But this has to grow. This has to be developed. It's not like Harry Potter where you say the name of Jesus and treat it like a spell and everything's solved. It's a strength and authority that needs to be cultivated/seasoned/grown and exercised responsibly to deal with different types of demons in spiritual warfare as one grows in spiritual authority as one grows in relational intimacy with Jesus to walk in the power that he walked with when he was on earth.
And then you have "the flesh", which are the sinful habits ingrained in our fallen human nature that need to be dealt with through Spirit-assisted spiritual discipline. These are evil things "within a person" as opposed to demons who are "out there". Peter was able to cast out demons with the other disciples after Jesus granted them authority to do so. But he denied Jesus 3 times afterwards. The problem was not that he didn't have authority to cast out demons. The problem was that his thought patterns, emotional programming, volitional decision making habits, bodily conditioning, and social relational structures were tainted and twisted by sin, and needed to be "unwrenched and straightened into righteousness" through spiritual disciplines, such as fasting, praying, meditation on the word of God, silence, solitude, etc. That is why he wrote 2 Peter 1:5-7. Jesus himself never had any demons inside of him to be casted out, yet he still had to "learn obedience through suffering" (Hebrews 5:8). There is a "science" to grow in Christlikeness. It is an elaborate process with overall patterns, although there is a lot of mystery to it at the same time.
With all this being said, proficiency in one stream/point does not make one automatically proficient in other one(s). It is sad to see so many Christians and also Christian leaders only have proficiency/maturity in one stream without the other(s) and be satisfied with their current condition of development/growth. It is even more sad to see that because they have developed proficiency/maturity in one area, that they lose their "teachableness" to learn in other areas. Being teachable is one of, if not THE most important trait to have in order to grow. The moment one lacks teachableness, one stops growing. One needs it as a pre-condition for many things. To be able to humbly ask for help. To be able to proactively ask a more experienced person to train you in an area you need growth in. To be willing to learn from one's mistakes. To be willing to not care about looking like a fool, even as an adult. To proactively study and milk the knowledge from trusted resources when no one else is pushing/encouraging one to do so.
"Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise." - Proverbs 19:20
I had to be proactive and teachable, and still try to remain proactive and teachable as I am slowly yet gradually growing in all 3 areas/streams. The way God's grace usually works is in partnership with a proactive and teachable learner. I find that the most proactive and teachable people in life learn, grow, and develop the most.
In my university years, starting from 2003 and being introduced to Ravi Zacharias, I started to intentionally and proactively develop my Christian mind/worldview to know why what I believe is objectively true (hopefully without having an arrogant attitude, just like being confident that 2+2=4 without thinking that one is better than those who think that 2+2=5). I read the right books, listened to talks from people who knew their stuff, and milked trained apologists when I could. God grew my Christian mind a lot through that.
In my missionary years in East Asia, starting from 2008, while I was being brought to my lowest spiritual point in my journey, I had to go to the treasure chest of devotional spiritual classics in spiritual formation that were written by people who had PhDs in Christlikeness over the centuries. I had to be teachable. I read a lot. I experimented a lot with spiritual practices. I persevered, sometimes for months, even when I didn't immediately see any fruit to it. I listened to talks by contemporary people who had PhDs in Christlikeness. I milked the right people who were Christlike from their lifestyle of intentional spiritual formation (and still do). God has grown my character in me by me accessing his grace through proactivity and teachability on my part.
Then, starting at the end of 2010/beginning of 2011, by the grace of God I got exposed to legit Charismatic Christian spirituality. Growing up Baptist, I got zero exposure to this stuff. Prophetic dreams. Visions while one is awake. Dealing with demons when you feel the physical effects of them attacking you. The gift of prophecy exercised by someone affirming what the deepest levels of your heart feels spiritually without you telling them anything, immediate physical healings, literal miracles. Once again, I had to be teachable, because I had zero exposure to this stuff in my faith tradition. I had to find trusted resources and read up a lot on it, listen to talks on it, and experiment with this stuff in safe settings, and also milk those who are wise, seasoned, and experienced in this stuff. Although I still have eons to go to be able to deal with demons the way Charles Kraft does and/or listen to and discern God's voice the way Jack Deere does, God has grown me a lot in this area, through his grace meeting my proactivity and teachability on my part.
It is hard to find balanced people, who are balanced in all 3 areas. I know a lot of Christians who are strong in 1 or 2 streams/points of the triangle. I know very few who are are mature/developed in all 3 though. My hope is to see a whole generation of young Christians who are truly balanced and cultivated/seasoned/mature in all 3 points of the triangle. Then things will be ripe for a trans-emotional spiritual revival here in North America.
"Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God." - William Carey
"A Christian leader of the early twentieth century, R.A. Torrey, decided - at what he understood to be God's direction - to have no salary or regular means of support as a way of coming to know the reality of God's day-to-day provision. He thereafter took no offerings in his meetings and spoke to no human beings about his needs. He lived a public life seen by all, and he reported that day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, he 'walked up to that aperture in Heaven which men call 'prayer'' and asked God for what he needed. It was supplied. The needs of his family and his ministry were more than fully met. He went out of his way to insist that this was not something that every Christian should do, but something he chose to do to verify the present reality of God in his life." -Dallas Willard the Great in "Knowing Christ Today"
*Lucius Fox = R.A. Torrey's hypothetical spiritual director/guide who would supply godly wisdom/spiritual technology to help him accomplish his assigned missions from God that required radical Hebrews 11:33-34-mountaing-moving faith. Bruce Wayne = R.A. Torrey the Dark Knight Christian who expected and attempted great things from God for God.*
Lucius: "Now for high-risk faith jumps like trusting in God to to supply your financial needs without taking in a salary, you're going to need special prayer and fasting. Well, I must say, compared to your usual prayer requests, trusting in God for this is pretty straight forward."
R.A. Torrey: "Now what about relying on God to provide for my financial needs week by week, without planning or saving in advance?"
Lucius: "I'd recommend a good fundraising agent"
R.A. Torrey: "Without telling anyone."
Lucius: *pauses and smirks* "Now that's more like it Mr. Torrey"
It is the role of the Dark Knight Christian to do all the preparation work with godly wisdom, special prayer, and spiritual discernment to receive God's miraculous providence. After all is done on the side of human responsibility in carrying out the mission, the Dark Knight Christian lastly has to launch one's prayers to the heavens, then expect and trust in the perfect timing of God's providence from the heavens to deliver him, just as Batman, after he has done his part of the mission, lastly has to launch his balloon-gadget to the sky, then expect and trust in the perfect timing of the plane from the sky to deliver him.
Kudos to the Western Christians who are open to equipping themselves with the spiritual tools and wisdom of the spiritual walk from Christian faith traditions outside Protestantism. Including the Eastern Orthodox faith tradition.
*An emerging innovative Western soldier of Christ seeking to equip himself with depth of spiritual wisdom, understanding (Colossians 1:9), and depth of insight (Philippians 1:9) talks his professor of church history and spiritual formation while in his "armoury" aka personal library of godly wisdom stored up throughout the ages of Church history*
Western soldier of Christ sees a book with the spine entitled 'The Way of a Pilgrim'. Says: "What's that?"
Professor: "Oh, 'The Way of a Pilgrim'? Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that"
*Western soldier of Christ takes it off the bookshelf and starts to flip through it and meditate on some excerpts*
Professor: "This book contains an account of an anonymous pilgrim in the 19th century who went on a journey to learn how to pray without ceasing according to an Eastern Orthodox book on prayer called The Philokalia. The Philokalia is the full and detailed science of constant, unceasing interior prayer, set forth by twenty-five Eastern Orthodox Christian holy Fathers. It's content contains centuries of accumulated first-hand wisdom in how to attain unceasing prayer"
(some quotes from the book)
But what is prayer? And how does one learn to pray? Upon these questions, primary and essential as they are, one very rarely gets any precise enlightenment from present-day preachers. For these questions are more difficult to understand than all their arguments that I have just spoken of, and require mystical knowledge, not simply the learning of the schools. And the most deplorable thing of all is that the vain wisdom of the world compels them to apply the human standard to the divine. Many people reason quite the wrong way round about prayer, thinking that good actions and all sorts of preliminary measures render us capable of prayer. But quite the reverse is the case, it is prayer which bears fruit in good works and all the virtues. Those who reason so, take, incorrectly, the fruits and the results of prayer for the means of attaining it, and this is to depreciate the power of prayer - pg. 7
The continuous interior Prayer of Jesus is a constant uninterrupted calling upon the divine Name of Jesus with the lips, in the spirit, in the heart; while forming a mental picture of His constant presence, and imploring His grace, during every occupation, at all times, in all places, even during sleep. The appeal is couched in these terms, 'Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.'One who accustoms himself to this appeal experiences as a result so deep a consolation and so great a need to offer the prayer always, that he can no longer live without it, and it will continue to voice itself within him of its own accord. - pg. 8-9
"Is [the Philokalia] more sublime and holy than the Bible?" I asked. "No, it is not that. But it contains clear explanations of what the Bible holds in secret and which cannot be easily grasped by our short-sighted understanding. I will give you an illustration. The sun is the greatest, and the most resplendent and the most wonderful of heavenly luminaries, but you cannot contemplate and examine it simply with unprotected eyes. You have to use a piece of artificial glass which is many millions of times smaller and darker than the sun. But through this little piece of glass you can examine the magnificent monarch of stars, deilght in it, and endure its fiery rays. Holy Scripture also is a dazzling sun, and this book, the Philokalia, is the piece of glass which we use to enable us to contemplate the sun in its imperial splendour. - pg. 9-10
Sit down alone and in silence. Lower your head, shut your eyes, breathe out gently and imagine yourself looking into your own heart. Carry your mind, i.e., your thoughts, from your head to your heart. As you breathe out, say 'Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.' say it moving your lips gently, or simply say it in your mind. Try to put all other thoughts aside. Be calm, be patient, and repeat the process very frequently. - St. Simeon the New Theologian (pg. 10)
The faculty of pronouncing words lies in the throat. Reject all other thoughts (you can do this if you will) and allow that faculty to repeat only the following words constantly, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me." Compel yourself to do it always. If you succeed for a time, then without a doubt your heart also will open to prayer. We know it from experience. - Nicephorus (pg. 12)
in my lonely hut I said the Prayer of Jesus six thousand times a day for a whole week. I felt no anxiety. Taking no notice of any other thoughts however much they assailed me, I had but one object, i.e., to carry out my starets' bidding exactly. And what happened? I grew so used to my Prayer that when I stopped for a single moment, I felt, so to speak, as though something were missing, as though I had lost something. The very moment I started the Prayer again, it went on easily and joyously. - pg. 13
My whole desire was fixed upon one thing only - to say the Prayer of jesus, and as soon as I went on with it I was filled with joy and relief. It was as though my lips and my tongue pronounced the words entirely of themselves without any urging from me. I spent the whole day in a state of the greatest contentment. I felt as though I was cut off from everything else. I lived as though in another world, and I easily finished my twelve thousand prayers by the early evening. - pg. 14-15
that is how I go about now, and ceaselessly repeat the Prayer of Jesus, which is more precious and sweet to me than anything in the world. At times I do as much as forty-threeor four miles a day, and do not feel that I am walking at all. I am aware only of the fact that I am saying my Prayer. When the bitter cold pierces me, I begin to say my Prayer more earnestly and I quickly get warm all over. When hunger begins to overcome me, I call more often on the Name of Jesus and I forget my wish for food. When I fall ill and get rheumatism in my back and legs, I fix my thoughts on the prayer and do not notice the pain. If anyone harms me I have only to think, "how sweet is the prayer of Jesus!" and the injury and the anger alike pass away and I forget it all. I have become a sort of half-conscious person. I have no cares and no interests. The fussy business of the world I would not give a glance to. The one thing I wish for is to be alone, and all by myself to pray, to pray without ceasing; and doing this, I am filled with joy. - pg. 18
*Western soldier of Christ closes book, and looks at the professor*
Western soldier of Christ: "Does it come in Protestant theology?"
The
cultivated imagination can help redeem the
suspense-filled/cliff-hanging drama of the story writing of God, the
type of drama that rightly belongs to the pages of the Bible.
Imagine yourself as an "original Christian" in the city of Antioch in
the Apostle Paul's day, where you got to know him pretty well by
spending time with him in the same city for a year (Acts 11:25). Then he
gets sent off to do dangerous work for God in another city where you
don't see him for a while (Acts 13:1-3). Then, you hear that he's in the
city of Iconium preaching the Gospel. You hear that it gets so
dangerous that his enemies from both Antioch and Iconium stone Paul and
drag him outside the city, thinking he's dead since no one can survive a
stoning event in that day from a mass of one's furious enemies (Acts 14:19). Word
gets around from Pauls' enemies in Antioch and Iconium that Paul's dead.
You hear this rapidly spreading news of what happened to your good old
loved one. You deeply mourn the loss of your friend.
Then, one day, Paul, unknown to you, returns to Antioch, your city (Acts 14:21).
And, to your utter shock and jaw-dropping amazement, you see him again.
Alive and well. Doing his thing.
Now, if you were this
hypothetical yet realistic friend of Paul, I would imagine that the
moment you saw him alive again, it would be a little like the
Matrix-freeze-hold-your-breath-pin-drop-silence-shock that Alfred experienced when he saw Bruce Wayne again when all the time he thought he was dead.
The difference though, would be that you knew that your loved one
survived a supernatural miracle done by the finger of God himself. And
you would know that this is real life. And you would know that God is a
better movie director than Christopher Nolan, any day.
There's a reason why Christopher Nolan's Batman Trilogy has deeply spoken, and still deeply speaks to me in my spiritual journey. Certain clips resonate very deeply with my heart in my faith journey with God. They still do. On average, I watch one of my favourite scenes in the trilogy once a week. Still.
The interesting thing is, though, that these Batman movies only started to become my favourite movies in the fall of 2009 (Batman Begins and The Dark Knight that is, because The Dark Knight Rises didn't come out yet). This means that it was over 4 years after I saw Batman Begins when it came out in 2005 and over a year after I saw The Dark Knight on its opening weekend in the summer of 2008 until they became really dear to my heart. I did enjoy the movies when I saw them at first, but they were just entertainment to me back then. Just that. However, when I started to go through severe spiritual trials in the fall of 2009, I started seeking for comfort, inspiration, hope, and companions to walk with me on the hard path of spiritual testing and character molding that comes when one intentionally and proactively goes deeper in the Jesus life. I found it hard to get that stuff. But... strangely... I got it when I watched these Batman movies again. They offered comfort, inspiration, and hope. Also, Bruce Wayne, although he was only a fictional character, proved to be a strangely comforting companion along the way. The first time I watched Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, I was watching Bruce Wayne from "the outside in". When I watched Bruce Wayne again in the fall of 2009, I was no longer experiencing Bruce Wayne's story from the outside, but "from his inside". I identified so much with his journey. The highs, the lows, the victories, the defeats, the encouragements, the discouragements, the times of wanting to give up, the times where a meaningful pursuit that transcends one's own egotistical agenda motivated him to persevere in suffering for a good cause (saving millions of lives). Then, I found myself just watching my favourite clips over and over again. Not for the purpose of being entertained over and over again. But because I deeply identified with him. They helped sustain me.
They still do.
I don't fully know why these movies have such a rich effect on my spirit. However, I have pinpointed some themes that I think speak deeply to the mysterious chambers of my inner heart.
Here they are:
1. The theme of being an a journey, especially one that is self-initiated from stepping voluntarily out of one's comfort zone.
Bruce Wayne was a billionaire. He could have lived a very comfortable/sheltered life if he really wanted to. But there was a longing in him that he chose not to ignore. A longing to fulfill a purpose much deeper than mere self-fulfillment. A longing that, if listened to, would not allow him to be okay with the status quo of his corrupted city (Gotham). He actually left his billionaire mansion, left North America, and went to the East to try to find some answers to this longing in his heart. For Bruce, leaving Gotham to grow and search for something deeper is a 21st-century equivalent of leaving "The Shire" of "Middle Earth". He voluntarily chose to get out of the McDonald's PlayPlace of North America and experience the world. He went to the East. He got hard training that was very uncomfortable. But it was worth it. No one forced him to, but he chose to do it on his own. Granted his purpose, "to fight injustice" is different from a North American Christian's purpose, but the notion of getting out of the sheltered McDonald's Play Place to search for something deeper is a common theme.
Likewise, I have been on a journey, ever since 2009. Although I was physically on a journey, when I travelled to the East to live there for a time to serve God, I also was on a spiritual journey within. I was seeking the real, I mean REAL Jesus life. I got exposed to the writings of earnest Jesus followers of the past who wrote about their first hand experiences of no-nonsensely living in the Kingdom of God on a day to day basis. Without being prideful, they joyfully wrote of the spiritual condition they attained through grace-enabled discipline in walking with God within this lifetime. They wrote about things such as:
-being aware of God's companionship presence every single minute literally as one went about doing various tasks (reading, writing, socializing, working, physical activity etc.)
-really, i mean REALLY experiencing a lot more deeper intimacy with God than with one's best friends/spouse/family members on a consistent moment-to-moment basis
-not worrying about anything. ever.
-being completely free from any human's opinions. really.
-living in a way where the output of one's work is greater than the input of human effort involved in multiple areas (working, playing sports, socializing, caring for the hurt etc.) due to God's presence with the person
-having an inexpressible and mysterious joy that undergirds all the sufferings in this life
And much, much more. I wanted this stuff. I saw that it was available to the Jesus follower, fully in this lifetime. Or at least was supposed to. Yet the teachings of modern day Protestant spirituality were, for the most part, lacking the no-nonsense means of how to get there in this lifetime. I wanted more than just "comfortable cultural Christianity". I wanted the real deal, the stuff that serious Jesus followers over the centuries have consistently experienced.
So, spiritually, I left the "spiritual McDonald's Play Place" of North American Christian spirituality due to its emptiness and failure to lead one to experience the Jesus life. And I journeyed. With the help of medieval Catholic devotional writers, Eastern Orthodox writers, and some rare Evangelical voices (i.e. Dallas Willard and Jan Johnson), it was and has been a meaningful journey. But since it involved and still involves getting out of one's comfort zone, it was and still is hard. But I know that the destination is well worth it. So during the hard times in this journey, I somehow identify with Bruce Wayne's hard times in his journey.
Man, it is such a journey.
2. The theme of equipping oneself with wisdom
Bruce Wayne uses wisdom to develop his own tools for combat. Science is his ally, and not his enemy. He develops customized gadgets and technology to help him accomplish his objectives. Batman knows that good intentions are not enough. One must have effective means to accomplish one's mission.
In the same way, I have discovered helpful spiritual tools along the way in the Jesus life journey. If technology = tools, then I have discovered all kinds of juicy spiritual technology in my journey to fight in spiritual warfare littered along the path of the deeper Jesus life. While I do recognize that there is a risk of idolizing spiritual technology, I do think that there is a role for them in the spiritual journey. Proverbs talks about the accumulation of wisdom, and how wisdom helps one in one's journey.
Some of my favourite "spiritual technology gadgets" that I have come across are:
-dream interpretation (to diagnose spiritual problems and find out the root causes of things)
-the "focusing" method in the psychology/counselling discipline (www.focusing.org)
-the Jesus prayer (http://www.orthodoxprayer.org/Jesus%20Prayer.html)
-Ignatian imaginative meditation (http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-spiritual-exercises/ignatian-contemplation-imaginative-prayer/)
-a semi-Quakerish "centering" activity
-"charismatically" listening to the voice of God
A sub-theme of this theme is how Bruce Wayne tailors the the use of technology that he develops to fit his own customized style. Even his own fighting style is a mix of different martial arts styles that he has fused together.
In the same way, I have learned to customize these time-tested methods that many saints in the past have used throughout the centuries of Church history to become more like Christ (these methods don't have anything magical in and of themselves, but they become conduits/pipes for the Holy Spirit to work through). Like Bruce, I have and am still tailoring them to fit my personality, circumstances, theology etc.
3. The theme of not being a people pleasing Knight/soldier
Bruce Wayne knows (or learns) that he's not out there to impress people. He's out there to fulfill a mission, whether the crowd is cheering him on temporarily, or booing him and telling him to give up or give himself in. Sooner or later, Bruce Wayne learns that his purpose must transcend what pleases the maximum number of people in the maximum number of situations. His calling should transcend any human point of reference.
I have been learning the same. Learning that at the end of the day, the only person who understands the transcendent calling on my life is the person in the audience. It is God, who is watching from the "theatre seat" up in heaven.
4. The theme of perseverance in the hard times
There are very, very hard and trying times for Batman. Times where he fails. Times where he just wants to give up. Times where he's tempted to think "what's the point?" "why do I have to go through with this when everybody else doesn't have to?" But... he still perseveres. He stays the course. Because he knows at the end of the day, it's not about him. But his calling.
There are trials on this journey when one intentionally chooses to go on a journey to search for something deeper than the McDonald's PlayPlace of North American Protestant spirituality. There are challenges. When almost all of your fellow Christian friends seem like they don't have to go through the (seemingly gratuitous) hardships. When you get heightened attacks from the spiritual enemy for pursuing a deeper journey with God. When there's misunderstandings and other people start to look down on you. When there seems like there's no fruit to so many months of discipline. When God sometimes temporarily allows circumstances to go against you to strip you bare of any ounce of confidence in oneself. When the world offers no support and care in the lonely times in the dark valleys. It is tough. There are times where it is tempting to dwell in the thoughts of "what's the point?" "why do I have to go through with this when everybody else, Christian or non-Christian seems to not go through this?". This spiritual suffering is different from non-spiritual suffering, although I don't deny that the latter is tough in its own respects. I'm not exaggerating to say that there have been some days where I would prefer open heart surgery over spiritual heart surgery, or physical chemotherapy over spiritual chemotherapy. There frequently seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel that one has travelled for months. But perseverance is required. Because the Dark Knight Christian realizes that the things that are most worth it in life are things that can only be achieved through perseverance and commitment.
5. The theme of no one understanding what you're going through
No one really knows the inner trials that Bruce Wayne has to go through. It's not that others choose not to try to identify with his inner journey. It's that they simply can't. No matter how hard they try. They have no idea of how dark the valleys are. They have no idea how ugly and ferocious the dark monsters that reside in the dark valleys are. Although sometimes an Alfred comes along and offers some support, at the end of the day, no one fully understands.
Bluntly speaking, most of my friends my age (who are nice people) have no idea what I've been through as I have been on this journey. Some think they do. But they don't. These ones who think they do, when I hear the content of their assessment of me, and the "spirit"/tone of their delivery, the texture/quality of their proposed hypothesis of the texture/quality of what I'm going through on the inside, I know they have no idea what I'm going through. The ones who know they don't know what I'm experiencing, it's not their fault although they do try to comfort me at times, and I'm really thankful to them for their comfort. Some times, in the journey, I long for some companionship of another human being (who I can physically talk to) who knows what I've been through, to just put their hand on my shoulder and say "I know what you're going through, it's okay. It'll be okay", I can't find any other fellow human being my age to fully relate to at the moment. But somehow, I find myself identifying and relating to Bruce Wayne, even though it's not ideal that he's a fictional character. I somehow do. And it is, on some level, comforting.
These Dark Knight clips have been comforting to my soul on my "Lord of the Rings" journey (to switch analogies) with God towards God. I believe that God has used these movies to sustain me during the hard times, and I'm very thankful for them.
Christopher Nolan, thank you for making this awesome trilogy! These Batman movies are more than mere entertainment to me. They are life
I know that although it's a tough journey, it's well worth it. And I know that in this lifetime, by God's grace, it's possible to experience all the Jesus life characteristics including:
-being aware of God's companionship presence every minute literally
as one went about doing various tasks (reading, writing, socializing,
working, physical activity etc.)
-really, REALLY experiencing more deeper intimacy with God than with one's best friends/spouses/family members
-not worrying about anything. ever.
-being completely free from any human's opinions. really.
-living
in a way where the output of one's work is greater than the input of
human effort involved in multiple areas (working, playing sports,
socializing, caring for the hurt etc.) due to God's presence with the
person
-having an inexpressible and mysterious joy that undergirds all the suffering in this life
10 years, 20 years. Who knows. God has his timing. But I know he can do it, for he has brought many spiritual journeyers into the Promised Land of this stuff in this lifetime. I expect that he can do it for me if I persevere.
